A bunch of my friends got back from India on Monday where they served people in slums and worked with kids. It is exactly 12 hours time difference where they were. For some reason I was very aware that not only were my friends serving strangers in dramatic ways on the other side of the world while I went about my normal humdrum routine—but they were doing so as I slept.
Last night I couldn’t fall asleep right away, and after tossing and turning for 15 minutes or so, I flipped on my light to read until I was tired. I’ve been meaning to read a book called
Irresistible Revolution for a while now, and I decided that last night was finally the night to crack it open. I read for an hour. In one of the chapters that I read, the author Shane Claiborne went to India for a summer to serve with Mother Teresa before she died. The below is a quote from the book that I had heard before I started really getting into it—I’ve always liked this quote, but it seems even shinier now that I’ve read it in context.
"Charity wins awards and applause, but joining the poor gets you killed. People do not get crucified for charity. People are crucified for living out a love that disrupts the social order, that calls forth a new world." –Shane Claiborne, Irresistible RevolutionThis statement kept rolling around in my mind last night before I could sleep. I couldn’t stop thinking of this kind of love and what it might look like in my life. Do I challenge myself to love outside of my comfort zone? It seems like I work really hard at trying to be comfortable and successful and “first.” But Jesus said that the first will be last and the last will be first. How do I love in ways that defy my selfish nature and that put others before me?
I’m a little ashamed to admit that my first thought was: “I went to Germany 2 summers in a row and worked with Kurdish youth refugees!” Which is true, absolutely, and in ways I did serve those teenagers, many of whom had shocking pasts dripping with sadness and oppression. Lots of good came out of those two trips to Berlin, and I made lifelong friends with some of the people I met over there. I don’t regret those summers, but I do regret that those summers popped into my head as an answer to the question: “How do I love in radical and unselfish ways?” Because if I’m honest, there were many reasons why I went to Germany and many of those reasons were selfish. It was during a time in my life when I was desperate for an adventure and desperate to be needed. I wanted a break from waiting tables and making clip reports of the trades for executives who didn’t even know my name. This trip was presented to me as a “vacation with a purpose,” and that sounded exactly what
I needed. Me.
Although this would be my first time out of the country, Germany wasn’t exactly out of my comfort zone. I mean, I knew we’d have running water, and clean food. I brought my flat iron for crying out loud.
Last night I raked my brain for an experience in my life that demonstrated unselfish love for another. I want to clarify that it wasn’t that I was lying there kicking myself or anything, I think that overall I am a loving person. I know I do good things, but I was wrestling with the notion that my good deeds are more of a charity nature or simple acts of kindness than a radical love. Not that charity or random kindness is bad either, but I want to go further than that. I want to love like Jesus loved.
As I drifted off to sleep, I remembered a moment. It is a small moment, but I do think that in its own way, it was radical for me. I was joining a line at an ATM outside my bank, and as I walked up, I remember thinking that the line was especially long that day. Then I noticed the woman using the ATM. She was sobbing, clearly in some sort of distress and having major difficulty with the machine. She was crying really hard, she looked awful, and she kept pushing buttons and then swearing at the machine in frustration when it didn’t provide her desired results. I think that her frustration grew as she realized that we were all watching her, a whole line of us with our own ATM needs that she was keeping us from, one man gave up and left the line to go to a teller inside. I think she was embarrassed to be so undone in front of strangers, all of us staring and silent. It was awkward.
Finally the woman abandoned her attempts and angrily hit the button to return her debit card. As she turned away, she apologized to us without meeting any of our eyes and muttered that she just found out that her father had died. She quickly retreated to the parking lot and headed toward her car as the next person in line stepped up to the ATM that had just opened up. Some people stared after her, some looked away—I waited for someone to say something to this poor woman. Someone needed to help her, or comfort her somehow, right?
Then it hit me. All of us, myself included, were rooted in our places because we didn’t want to lose our spot in that long line. I can’t even remember where I was headed that day, but I’m sure that I was running late, and wherever I was headed required cash or I wouldn’t have been in that line to begin with.
The woman was making a beeline for her vehicle and suddenly I ran after her. It wasn’t a decision, I didn’t think about it at all, it was an impulse that bubbled up as compassion for this raw woman. I just couldn’t stand that no one was helping her, so I ran after her. I called to her and she stopped and turned around. I told her that I was sorry for her loss, and she told me she was on her way to her grandmother’s house to give her the news. I don’t know why, but I asked what her father’s name was. She told me, and we just stood there looking at each other. Then I asked if I could give her a hug, and she fell against me and squeezed me with a strength that surprised me. She wasn’t crying anymore. The hug was brief, it’s not like I stood there holding her for any length of time, it was just as long as it needed to be and then we let each other go. She had calmed down, and she wiped snot away from her nose and stood there blinking at me. Then she said “thanks” and got into her car. And that was it. I went to the back of the line.
I don’t know why that moment came to mind last night as I was falling asleep. Now that I’ve written it out, it doesn’t actually seem radical at all. But I think it was one of the first times that I stepped out of my daily life and took a detour to show someone else some love that she clearly needed. It's one of the only times that I can remember that I stepped out of line for someone else. I want more of those ATM experiences that challenge me to interrupt my day, my lunch break, my routine to love on someone who needs it. I want to be the sort who is willing to be a servant even when it is inconvenient to me.
Maybe that is a start to radical loving?
I think it's good for morale around the office-- it gives us permission to sort of roast some of the more challenging titles that we're pressured to pull in significant hits for. We get to vent a little of the 4th quarter trials, in the spirit of joyful celebration that accompanies the gradual wrap-up of the campaign, of course.
I’m not from Texas, but I spent a good deal of time in the Midwest and the show made me pretty nostalgic. I mean just the town shots were so dead-on… Greg says that they actually film in Texas, which explains a lot, I guess. I really respect that too.
These jokers were really helpful on the day that Greg and I rented a U-haul and moved my stuff into our new place. They also made an extremely touching “wedding video” for us just before the wedding which they played before Greg’s last show as a bachelor. (The video included cameos from ALL the best characters that have made appearances in their sketches over the years. SO funny!) I've been looking forward to the day that I could do something nice for them in return. 
There are so many pictures-- and I'm learning the hard way that blog posts don't allow me to share nearly enough...
Greg even made us grilled cheese sandwiches on sourdough bread and tomato soup from scratch. Isn't that the perfect chilly-weather-dinner? It was so good, I can't even tell you. I have been craving grilled cheese and tomato soup for more than a week now. Best. Sandwich. Ever.
