Baby Talk

"The end of a matter is better than its beginning, and patience is better than pride."  (Ecc 7:8)

(Preface: Greg and I are NOT pregnant.)

I have several friends who have had babies recently, or who are now pregnant.  After years of being on a waiting list, two of my friends were able to bring their adopted daughter home last month.  The women at my church seem to have babies in waves-- they wear their pregnancies like the latest fashion accessories and bond with other mothers over play dates.  (Lately I've noticed that the two-year-olds dropped off at Kids' Care every Sunday morning seem to be multiplying on their own.)

As a single woman, of course I was aware of the babies and mommy groups that surrounded me, but it was an awareness that couldn't touch me.  These were exclusive clubs that I couldn't be a member of.  It was the same way that I was aware of sorority events in college-- I knew about rush week and fundraisers and dances, but because I didn't go greek these events were never any of my concern. 

Greg and I do want a family.  We discussed at length what our expectations were in this area before we got married.  One of the things we agreed on was that we wanted to wait a certain amount of time before we started "trying."  It's what we felt was right for us for many reasons.  Given all the factors that went into this decision, I still agree with our choice to wait a few years.

In the past few months, however, as Greg and I have comfortably settled into the home we've created together, I would be lying if I said that I didn't feel the urges to complete our current nesting period with little chicks.  I'm eager to partake in the mommy groups; eager to give names to the little ones I've wished for in my heart; eager to finally get to be "what-I-want-to-be-when-I-grow-up": a mom.

I get anxious-- there are so many variables in "planning" a family:  What if we have trouble getting pregnant once we start trying?  What if we can't have a baby?  What if our kids aren't healthy?  What if we have (as I joke all the time) multiple babies at once and find ourselves in waaay over our heads? 

As silly as it may sound, all those unknowns create an urgency in me to hurryupandgetstarted! so that we know what to do next.  Aren't we just losing time waiting when we could be looking for a minivan/building a nursery/moving closer to family/starting the adoption process...?  In some ways, it's the waiting that is killing me-- I want to at least know what we'll be dealing with here so that I know how to proceed.  What it is that I'm supposed to plan for.

I'm reminded of my years as a single woman.  I knew that I wanted to be married some day.  Having a husband was definitely a desire of my heart.  But the relationship that I desired wasn't anything that I could control (though I tried).  As it turns out, the man I ended up marrying had been a platonic yet prominent part of my life for NINE years before we went on our first date.  For whatever reason, God wanted me to be single as I learned certain lessons that He had for me during that season of my life.  No matter how uncertain I felt, God was in control the whole time.  When I finally decided to trust Him in that area of my life, God was able to begin molding me into the wife He wanted me to be for Greg.  The molding was painful, and surrendering to God also included me surrendering my ex-boyfriend, whom I had made an idol of. 

When I think back on the ways that God was faithful even when I couldn't fathom the plans He had for me, I'm comforted and my baby-fears are calmed.  I know that whatever family God does (or doesn't) bless me with will be His best for me.  If I am 35 before I get pregnant, so be it.  If my baby comes from another woman's womb, I will love it as my own.  If the family I have dreamed of and planned for isn't to be, then God has other plans for me, and those are "plans to prosper me and not to harm me." 

In the meantime, rather than sit on my butt the next few years biding my time before I find out what is in store for me in the mommy department, I can learn to each day place my trust in God and allow him to shape me into the sort of mother He would want me to be.

One Hell of a Plan

As promised, here is the story of why my husband is so supportive.  Greg is an amazingly talented actor, writer, improviser and musician.  Oh!  And he dances better than me :)

He performs in live comedy shows every week, he plays in comedy festivals across the country, he goes on auditions ALL the freaking time... It's only a matter of time before he'll be walking down some red carpet and running from the paparazzi as he leaves Trader Joe's.  But in spite of how awesome and talented Greg is, he still supports ME in my artistic efforts as well.

For example, last night we went to a premiere for a short film that I did entitled One Hell of a Plan.  I had a lot of fun, and I was pleasantly surprised at how well the short turned out.  I know that a film premiere for a student film (no matter how prestigious the school) is small beans.  But it was really fun for me to go watch it on the big screen, and to get dressed up and be the "talent" for the night. 

I really felt like Cinderella-- if Cinderella were a mild-mannered publicist who spends her days wrangling press and kowtowing to talent during DVD launch events.  It was nice to step into some more glamorous shoes for a night and feel affirmed that I'm still an artist.  (Even though I have a day job.)

And my darling husband not only came with me, he also allowed me to enjoy the night for what it was.  He dressed up, he told me I looked pretty, he told me that my film was the best one (there were 5 screened last night) and on the way home he told me that I'm talented.  I felt so blessed that he was excited for me.

I really didn't take pictures last night (I WISH I'd thought to have someone take a picture of us since we were dressed up)

But I did get a few:

I apparently love to get pictures of Greg while he's driving... but look how cute he is!

He wore his "good pants"

Ahhhhh, yer adorable!

A couple shots of the seats filling up before the screening began

This is the theater at which I first saw the movie Junebug starring Amy Adams before she was Amy Adams

Awkward self-taken photo, taken while Greg was pumping gas at the end of the evening when I realized that I hadn't taken any pictures.  Eh, proof that I was there!

Greg invites me to share in his successes all the time, but it means equally as much to me that he is willing to support me by sharing in my successes as well. 

I love you, Greggers!

I have the most supportive husband in the world

...tell you why tomorrow! 

I've crossed over to the dark side

Yep!  I dyed my hair this weekend and I'm now rockin' it brunette style.  It was time for a change.  Here are the pictures I attempted to take of my new do:

By the way-- it was REALLY difficult to take my own picture with my little iPhone camera!  These shots above were the least blurry that I could get.  (You get the idea anyway)

I can be really impulsive when it comes to my hair.  I'll go back and forth on something like a cut or a color but once I rest on a decision I'm the type that needs to get it done NOW.  Because I decided to go brunette so quickly, Greg had no idea I was doing this and I was eager to pick him up from the airport Saturday with my new look.

...Unfortunately, traffic was pretty thick and it took me about an hour and a half to make the 35 minute drive to the airport, so I was a little road-rage-ish once I got there.  I'm afraid this is what Greg saw instead of my new hair:

(But once my eyes stopped flaming he said I looked pretty.  Heh.)

Oh!  One more thing that I have to mention in this blog.  It doesn't have anything to do with my hair, but funnily enough, it DOES sort of fit with the "dark side" that I mention in the title of this blog.

On Friday night I spent the night at my wonderful friend Emily's house.  (Since Greg was out of town we decided to have a full out girls night!)  We grabbed a bite of dinner together before going to see a play at the Co-op, then we went back to Emily's place and met up with 2 more of our girl friends.  We put on facial masks and ate tons of junk food.  AND we watched New Moon! 

I know, I know, but before you judge me-- let me explain.  We watched New Moon along with the RiffTrax and it. was. hysterical.  (Does everyone know about RiffTrax but me?)  I had never heard of them before.  It's from the guys who made Mystery Science Theater 3000, which was a show in which these guys would play old movies and make funny comments throughout the film.  RiffTrax was created for newer films that they'd never be able to get the rights for.  You just push play on the DVD at the same time that you push play on your computer-- and hilarity ensues!  You can see a sample of what we watched here (scroll down).  Just click on the button beneath the price that says "Watch Sample." 

Pretty great stuff!

Happy surprise

I just discovered that there's a Glee station on Pandora!!

Homesick

I have learned a lot of lessons this week.  It hasn't been a bad one, but I think that throughout the week, my husband and I have taken turns between being great cheerleaders and underdogs that need encouragement. 

We've both mastered the role of caregiver only to find ourselves a moment later desperately needing to be cared for.

My heart broke yesterday as I watched one fat tear slide down my husband's cheek after a (very) frustrating day that had been chipping away his patience and whittling away at his character.  We got to eat dinner together in the car before Greg had to go back to work, and I rubbed his back and prayed for him before sending him off to clock in again.

At about 5:30am I took Greg to the airport and stuck him on a plane to Chicago.  (He is performing with Rigor Tortoise at the Chicago Comedy Festival tomorrow night.)  Maybe I'm just feeling a little vulnerable because of the early morning jaunt to the airport, but I'm missing Greg like crazy and Saturday afternoon (when he returns to LA) is forever away. 

Seems like a long time to wait to crawl into his lap and put my head on his shoulder while I rub his back some more.  The distance between LA and Chicago is a painful one to me right now.

My desk

Dear Dad,

Just wanted to let you know that this year I've been remembering to take my vitamins. 

Love,
Beth

Today

Today I woke up in a bad mood.  After a tedious and frustrating day at work yesterday, I went to sleep in a funk and when my alarm went off this morning I hadn't slept it off quite yet.  I was cranky for most of the morning, but little things (or maybe big blessings?) have been chipping away at my attitude all afternoon and I'm feeling much better now than I did when I begrudgingly climbed out from under my covers.

• In my inbox this morning was a sweet email from my friend Will, who I don't think I've seen since my wedding.  He was inviting me to his birthday dinner on Thursday, which I won't be able to make it to, but it still made me feel good that he thought of me and it was nice to hear from him.
• Also waiting for me in my inbox was an email from my dad in response to my frustrating day yesterday.  He offered suggestions/advice that only a father can give.  He also told me that he prays for me, my mom and my brother every day-- making my cranky heart swell in my chest!
• Later in the morning, I got a nice email from Greg letting me know that I'm loved and that he was praying for me today too.  He also sent me a couple links to some choice portraits from awkwardfamilyphotos.com to make me smile.  (In case you were wondering, he send me this one and this one.  Ha!)
• I walked to the grocery store for lunch today because Greg has our car today (because he's on set filming the iPad App gig that he booked!)  Not only was the walk a nice break in the middle of my day, but on my way back to my office I got caught in the rain!  I honestly don't think I've been caught in the rain since college.  It was great!  
• A little bit after lunch, a package came for me at the office.  It was a BIG box full of homemade cookies that my friend's mom made for me as a thank you for giving her my copy of a Zorro DVD that I got from work.  I didn't think twice about it, it was no big deal at all-- I didn't want it and I'd heard she was a fan.  I have to say, being appreciated by this woman made me feel great, and receiving amazing tasty cookies for no reason MADE MY DAY.
• Oh yeah, and this:

Greggers sent this photo from wardrobe.

He's playing one of four Danish Girl Scouts in a "Monty-Python-esque" sketch.  Ha!

Important Prayer Request

Please forgive the length of this post, but I have an urgent prayer request that I feel is so important.

My friend Dina has been involved in a legal battle that I have taken a huge interest in because I'm a Christian. The case is going before the Supreme Court on Monday morning and I thought other Christians would like to be informed so that they can be praying as well.

Dina was a member of a Christian student organization (Christian Legal Society) at her Law School.

In a nutshell: The Christian Legal Society (CLS) chapter at the University of California - Hastings College of the Law filed a lawsuit on October 22, 2004, against school officials who denied recognition to the group because the chapter requires its officers and voting members to adhere to the CLS Statement of Faith. (...without this Statement of Faith, the chapter would be forced to allow persons who hold beliefs and engage in conduct contrary to the group's declared shared beliefs, which includes a prohibition on extramarital sex, to join as voting members and to run for officer positions...)

I encourage you to read the brief summary of the case here
Now that you have the basic facts, please see the specific prayer requests from Dina below. I personally ask for you to especially pray for #6 on Dina's list, as I can see a lot of opportunity for the media to twist this case and portray this group as "closed-minded Christians."

Thank you
~Beth

from Dina:
Dear Prayer Warriors,

The United States Supreme Court will be hearing the CLS v. Martinez (UC Hastings) case on Monday, April 19th at 10:00 AM. Your prayers are vital as the legal team comes around the final bend. I am asking you all to take time to hold firmly in faith and prayer to our victory in this case. Pray that our arguments, presentation and posture be righteous, convincing, turn the hearts of the justices and represent the importance of our core beliefs of our faith - our right to gather together and select leaders to teach us who adhere to the same tenants. Specifically, please pray for:

1.)  Mr. Michael McConnell, who will be arguing the case. Pray that he would have incredible wisdom as he prepares in the final days and that his emotional, physical and spiritual body receive rest and be at peace.
2.)  The justices and clerks that as they read the briefs and prepare for argument they would be convinced by CLS' arguments and that CLS would have favor in their sight.
3.)  Mr. Greg Baylor and Ms. Kimberly Colby, who will sit at the counsel's table with Mr. McConnell. Pray that they would know the answer to any question Mr. McConnell asks from them in support of our position and they would have wisdom in listening and assisting the rebuttal preparation.
4.)  Ms. Colby, as she puts together the final game plan for the case leading into Monday. She has a tremendous amount on her plate. Pray for extra measure of grace, direction and peace.
5.)  Warm weather. Many of the CLS students, leaders, and even directors for CLS will be standing overnight in the public line to gain access.
6.)  Fair media coverage. Pray that our desire for fair and equal treatment be properly represented in the media.

Thank you all so much.

Be blessed in all you do.

His Name be praised.

Dina

*********UPDATE*********

I received this email today:

Thank you again for your steadfast prayers.

The Supreme Court oral argument went very well and it was evident that the Lord's hand has been on this case since the inception and has been moving on behalf of your prayers. The Supreme Court is meeting today at 1 p.m. EST, April 21, 2010, to discuss this case, to vote on it, and to assign the writer of the majority opinion.  The opinion is expected in June.  Until then, there may be quite a bit of dicussion among the Justices and even potentially vote changes.  Your prayers are needed more than ever!

Please pray that during this process:
1) The Justices approach this with clarity, understand our position and the underlying facts, and find the school's conduct unconstitutional.
2) The written opinion would be strongly worded in our favor and an instrumental case in protecting religious liberties.

With much appreciation,

Dina

Happenings

It's ironic that I was just writing about getting a bike, because last night, Greg's beloved car died (for keeps) on the way into Hollywood.  It's okay, we knew this day was coming, and we're definitely praising God that we have one good car to share--one with a shiny new windshield even! 

I'm not upset at all about having to be a 1-car family for a bit, it may take some cooperation with our schedules, but I think we can definitely do it.  We both work close to where we live, and most of our extracurricular activities take us each into Hollywood, so riding together shouldn't be a problem on most days.

I'm hoping to borrow a friend's bike for a week or two before I purchase my own so that I can try it out, but I'm loving the idea of biking to work more and more.

I think that poor Greg is a bit overwhelmed at what to do next, but I know we'll be just fine.

Meanwhile, last night I had a minor case of food poisoning and had to spend a very unattractive amount of time in the bathroom.  I'm still a little queasy today, but I managed to eat a piece of toast this morning and I've been fine so I think I'll be good. 

But seriously!  Wasn't yesterday like a scene from Seinfeld or a page out of Bridget Jones' Diary or something?  I mean really:  My husband breaks down on the way into Hollywood and has to hitch a ride home with a tow truck while I'm stuck in the bathroom trying to flush bad food out of my system?  Come on!  What are the odds of those two things happening in the same night?

Doh!

I work 3.14 miles from my house, and I've been seriously thinking about getting a bike for several weeks now.  It's not too far to bike, it could be a nice ride in the mornings, it would be good exercise for me, it's better for the environment, it could help save on gas money and it would be a great test to see if Greg and I should become a 1-car family if we're not able to get Greg's car to pass the smog test, etc...

Imagine my happiness when last week, a sweet older woman that I know sent out an alert that she was selling her hardly-used bike!  How perfect!  My big worry, however, would be where to store something like a bike at our little apartment?  There's really no where to stick it.  We don't have a garage or a carport, and every spare corner of our apartment is already being used somehow.  I tried to put getting a bike out of my mind.

But I just couldn't stop thinking about it!

Then today, I started thinking that perhaps I could get away with chaining the bike to our front porch!  Yeah!  I could stand it up and chain it length-wise to the railings on my front porch!  Don't most bikes have front tires that just pop right off these days anyway?  I decided to bring up the idea of purchasing a bike to Greggers.

I made this decision about 30 minutes ago, sitting at my computer at work.  Any of you who have ever gotten an excited email from me know that when I'm ready to share an idea in my head, I have to share it NOW!  So 30 minutes ago, I sent Greg an email, explaining all the pros and cons to getting a bike, and then sharing my friend's initial description of her bike.

Here is the response from Greg that just showed up in my inbox:

Baby we can talk about getting a bike but I don't think you want this one.  :)

I believe you can do anything you set your mind to, but it's going to be very very hard to ride that thing to your office.  I love you Beth.


Note to self:  Kiss Greg extra hard on the mouth for saving me from trying to chain this thing to our front porch.

Monies

Greg and I are making a budget for ourselves.  I'm definitely "a planner," and I'm really looking forward to setting goals and boundaries with Greg for our finances.  I'm good at living beneath my means-- ha, I've just been poor for so long!-- but I'm interested in educating myself more on how to responsibly plan for everything from retirement and emergencies to vacations and our future family.

I think I mentioned that Greggers gave me two Dave Ramsey (founder of Financial Peace University) books for my birthday last week.  We've decided to read a chapter together each week and then hold one another accountable on the homework.  (I love homework!) 

Thus far, we're only 2 chapters in, but already Greg and I have had some excellent conversations together about money.  Money fears, past money struggles, money expectations, etc...

Dave Ramsey's program is faith-based, so the book also encourages setting goals each week in other areas of our lives as well, not just financial goals.  Greg and I have set personal goals for daily Bible readings, to feed our souls (hear that, Charlotte?  I'm back on the 365Truth blog again!), scheduled walks or exercise times to keep ourselves physically fit, and we each try to read at least 10 minutes a day to nurture our mental health. 

Also, this is the first week that we've been asked to write down all our spendings each day.  I'm three days into this exercise and it's already been an eye-opening experience for me.  It is making me really look at the cost of things instead of just handing my check card over.

I know I'm at the beginning still, but I am so excited to walk through this program.  I think I'm going to learn a lot.

You'll probably get more updates as I get more homework assignments ;)

Oh boy, oh boy...

I can't wait for the Rigor Tortoise birthday show at the end of the month-- it's going to be SO FUN!  I can't believe this is the group's 3rd year together.  Wow.

And I know about this year's birthday surprise :)


Squeeeeeaaalllll!!!

I did it!

I conquered the Warrior Dash on Saturday!

It was so much fun, and it was so filthy.  I can't wait until next year.  We had perfect weather, and we had quite the group of runners who turned out to participate.  Here are some pictures that friends took throughout the day:

Here we all are before the race (aka, still clean!)

Here I am crawling through the mud, under the barbed wire...

...and finishing the run!

Warriors after the race-- just filthy!

Dianna and me, showing off our warrior kicks

This is little Avery, showing off her warrior cry for her daddy who also ran the dash. 

The obstacles we had to overcome were:

• stacked hay bails that we had to climb over
• rusty old cars we had to navigate over
• warrior walls blocking our path
• tunnels we had to crawl through
• planks across a muddy ditch
• tumble weeds
• a bunch of rubber tires
• a cargo net wall to climb up and back down on the other side
• a fire pit we had to jump over
• rolling logs in the lake
• and barbed wire we had to crawl under via a muddy pit

My favorite obstacle was the fire pit because it was at the end of the race and I could feel the heat coming off the flames as I flew over fire.  The hardest part of the whole dash was the running itself (I hate to run in general, and I'm out of shape to boot!) but I was really proud of myself for jogging when I could.  It was such a great experience, I'm really glad I did it!

We ate at Chik-fil-A on the way home. 

The perfect ending to a Warrior day!

Grrrrooooowwwlll!

That is the sound of the warrior cry I've been working on for the three miles of hellish terrain I plan on conquering in the morning.

Oh yeah! 

I will try my best to take pictures-- but I don't want my camera to get muddy, so we'll have to see.

In the meantime, today I am very thankful for:

• Gorgeous weather
• USAA insurance and the excellent customer service and roadside assist that they provide to girls like me who get the occasional flat tire
• A husband who listens to me at the end of a work day full of people talking over one another
• The 4th season of Friday Night Lights
• My sweet friend Amy becoming an aunt and getting to meet her new niece for the first time this week
• Salt & vinegar chips
• My little brother, who has a birthday on Monday

Have a wonderful weekend, all!

Humbled

It is 10pm, and I don't ever think I've written a blog this late.  In fact, I'm rarely on my computer at all when I'm home since I sit in front of one all day at work. 

I tend to keep this blog pretty light, not that I don't ever post meaningful things, but I know that I tend towards the sarcastic most of the time.  I mean this post to be sincerely heartfelt, however.

I just had a wonderful group of Actor's Co-op ladies take me out for my birthday.  My sweet friend Tawny gathered the group together last minute when she heard that it was my birthday and that our Co-op meeting (which is most Monday evenings) was canceled this week.

Maybe it's the late hour, or the fact that I had a beer two beers tonight, but it meant so much that this super handful of women wanted to hang out with me on such short notice tonight.  I don't have low self esteem-- I know how that sounds, let me clarify that I wrestle with my worth as ANY woman does on any given day-- but I've owned my identity in Christ and on my worst days, when I feel gross and unattractive and insignificant, I still cling to that identity and know that I was wonderfully and fearfully made with purpose.

But tonight I kept looking around the table in awe of these amazing women and I marveled that they chose to come hang with me tonight.  Beautiful women!  Women that I look up to!  It was actually quite humbling.

Just yesterday I was leaving church and a woman that I admire slighted me.  It sounds so silly to type here, but this woman has been a prominent part of my church's history, and I hadn't seen her in a while and when I tried to say hello on my way out the door she refused to make eye contact with me.  Once I left I tried to tell myself that maybe she didn't see me, but I know that she did.  She just didn't want to talk to me.  As little as it was, it hurt, and that sort of thing hasn't happened to me in a while.

I hate to admit it, but I've carried that little sting in my heart the past two days and let myself feel stupid for putting myself out there.  (Oh Beth, why did you even try to say hello, you're not good friends with this girl.  Beth, why did you wait there, you should have kept walking when she didn't originally acknowledge your presence.  Beth, seriously, why did you try making small talk with her kids while she adamantly ignored you.  You loser, Beth.  You awkwardly lingered in this woman's space for a good 3 minutes before you finally got the clue and shrank away...)

I think it is easy for us to kick ourselves.  It's easy to cling to negativity so that our expectations aren't shattered.  It's easy to set the bar low so that we're never disappointed.

Anyone who has known me for the past 7 years that I've lived in LA knows that for the longest time I prayed for girlfriends.  TRUE girlfriends.  Sisters that I love and who genuinely care for me in return.  I was humbled tonight when I looked around the table at the ladies who joined me for my birthday.

Tawny, Alison, Tara, Karla, Nicole and Tannis-- you sure know how to make a girl feel loved.  Thanks for a great birthday.

My birthday weekend

Wow, what a special weekend!  I feel absolutely spoiled rotten.  For one thing, I got out of work early on Thursday and then had off on Good Friday (I know!!) to kick off a much appreciated long weekend.

Greg had to work all weekend, so we sort of celebrated my birthday on Thursday once I got off work.  Greg took me to BJ's for a nice big lunch/dinner at about 2:30pm.  Then we went to the ATT store because we've been meaning to merge our two separate phone plans into one family plan for some time now.  Imagine my surprise, however, when I heard Greg say: "We'd like to combine our phone accounts please, and we'd like to upgrade Beth's phone to an iPhone!"

Here is what Greg's face looked like when he revealed what my birthday present was:

So excited! 

This was the first photo I took with my new iPhone, by the way.  Not too shabby.

Then we went home and I found even more presents!  Greggers also got me the Dave Ramsey financial planning book/workbook for us to do together.  We're blessed not to have any debt as a couple, but we've been looking into ways we should be saving/spending so that we're on the right track for retirement, emergencies, etc.  It all feels very grown up, doesn't it?  He also got me an Ingrid Michaelson CD, that's pretty rockin'.

Then we watched Star Trek (the movie) from Netflix and when we got hungry again Greg made us nachos for dinner.  Delicious!  And for dessert:

A yummy cupcake with pink icing and sprinkles!

PS-- I look like an invalid here, but this photo was taken just after watching the movie. 

It was sort of cold, so Greg and I were sharing a blanket on the couch.

As if all that celebrating on Thursday wasn't enough, this morning (my actual birthday) Greg made me eggs, vegetarian bacon, and toast before work!  I'm officially: spoiled rotten.

What a joker

Today Greg informed me that he is pregnant.


Happy April 1st, you fools!