I am halfway through the tech week for
To Kill a Mockingbird, the first show that I have ever produced. Our first preview audience arrives one week from today, and we open a week from Friday.
Last night, we welcomed a new cast member -- a child actor -- who agreed to step in to learn an entire show in one week when scheduling complications forced us to recast the role of Jem Finch.
I will admit, I've been a bit of a wreck the past few days. Not that I haven't been able to keep it together, but I've been operating with a nervous knot in the pit of my stomach. Without going into details, I LOVED our first Jem, but sadly he just couldn't continue on with the production. We made the right decision, but it was still a heartbreaking one to make, and I do feel guilt over having to recast the role.
My mind has been racing over little gems like:
"Will this show come together on time?"
"Can a 14-year-old that we hired sight unseen pull this off?"
"Did I make a mistake?"
"Is (original Jem) okay?"
"What if this new kid is awful? Or immature? Or unprofessional? Or too tall/short/or looks nothing like our Scout?"
"How will the rest of the cast react?"
"This is a professional theater company. Even if we pull this off, will this show be up to par with the other shows we present this season?"
It was at yesterday evening's rehearsal that I met this kid for the first time. Five minutes later I was in front of my cast and crew announcing that we'd had to recast and introducing our new Jem. He appeared timid and shy, and I began to regret that I had gone with my gut and hired him over the phone the evening before off of a recommendation alone.
"This kid isn't going to have any personality on stage... I've chucked this entire production and everyone's hard work by sticking some random boy in such a pivotal role..."
But then we got started.
We opened our rehearsal in prayer. As a Christian company, we traditionally begin each rehearsal in prayer, but for some reason we haven't done so thus far in the rehearsal process. It was unintentional that we haven't been praying -- I think with such a large cast (three of the cast members being children) people were eager to "get this show on the road" and just dive in with the work.
Last night, we prayed together, as a complete cast and crew, for the first time during this rehearsal process. Before we bowed our heads, I announced that this prayer was not mandatory, but that all were welcome to participate -- and yet I noticed that every single person present (including new Jem's mother!) joined hands in a circle on stage. Even cast members who have come to us from outside our company, and are not believers.
United together, as we surrendered our production to God, I felt that awful knot in my stomach begin to loosen.
"You are bigger than all of this, God. You have blessed us in so many ways, you have been with us throughout this situation, and you even provided us with a new actor. I trust you Lord. Help us to serve you with this production, and help us to wear your name well as we move forward with this play."
And then we began working new Jem into scenes. And he was good!
He was really good. Focused, smart, thoughtful, disciplined, charming, compatible with the other actors...!
And the rest of the cast rallied around him with support and kindness. I can't speak for him, but I can only imagine that new Jem felt very welcomed.
I am breathing easier today, and I feel privileged to have witnessed the way that all this unfolded. The work is only just beginning, but I am confident that this beautiful chaos will be something to behold on opening night.
