Surgery day

Dear God,

I am tired, and this day was long. After some restless nights, I'm looking forward to the deep peaceful sleep I'm sure to have tonight. Your faithfulness shows my soul how to rest.

I have been dreading this day, not even letting myself imagine it for fear or where my mind would go if I allowed myself to think about handing my son over to strangers and trusting them with his well-being.

It was not even a year and a half ago that you overwhelmed me with your goodness by giving me a child. Fletcher's unique birth story first taught me to surrender his little life into your hands, knowing that you had him when I was powerless to help him.

My first lesson in motherhood was that my beloved son is actually YOURS. I get the privilege of loving him and raising him, but you are the one who keeps him. It is best that way. (You always offer us your best. You are so good.)

It was an important lesson learned at the start of my parental journey, and I was reminded of it today. Handing my son to the nurse and watching him as he was carried into the OR for surgery on both of his eyes utterly crushed me. Seventeen months of love for this little boy tugged at every inch of my heartstrings.

That was the difference for me today: those seventeen months.

At his birth, Fletcher and I had yet to get to know each other. Now, though -- I know his laugh. I know how to summon that huge grin that lights up his entire face. I know his babbles, and his favorite stuffed animals, and the songs he likes to sing. I know how many teeth are in his mouth, and which teeth are coming in next. I know how to comfort him when he's upset, and how to put him to sleep. I know his favorite foods, and the books he likes to read, and the cups he likes to drink out of. I know how to read his moods, and how to run his bath. I know when he's not feeling well, and I know when he's scared. I know him now. Somehow entrusting Fletcher to you this morning felt more difficult than 17 months ago because in some ways...well... I had more to lose today.

That's where my thoughts have been since Monday, but this morning you lovingly reminded me that I have nothing to lose at all. Because you have Fletcher in those big faithful hands of yours, regardless of the outcome of the surgery. He's yours for keeps. Gosh that brings me comfort. Especially when I think about how much I love him, and realize that I still don't know him half as well as you do.

Thank you, Father, for your goodness. For your faithfulness and your love that never ceases to amaze me. Thank you for hard-earned lessons that bring me closer to you. Thank you for a successful surgery and a healthy little boy.

Amen. Goodnight.

Aquatic adventure!

It was 102 degrees today so my good friend K and I packed a picnic, buckled our boys into her backseat, and headed for the breezy coast to visit the aquarium!

It was an adventure we planned about a week ago when we looked at the weather and saw how miserable it was going to be, but I have to admit I was really proud of us for following through. Ain't no small thing to plan day trips with babies! We did great though, if I do say so my self, and it was SO MUCH FUN.

Standing in front of the kelp tank 

The boys were awesome. They did really well in the car, and once we made it to the aquarium they explored til their little hands and knees were black with dirt from all the crawling (don't worry, we brought plenty of wipes.) 

They loved the fish, all the exhibits that had touchable elements, the tide pool (even though Fletcher only wanted to splash in the water a bit so I had to cut him off), and watching all the big kids that were running around with their own families.

Learning about whale tails

K and I had a great time with one another too. It's nice to have some adult conversation while we take care of our boys, and we laughed a lot too. The ocean breeze felt so good on our skin as we sat in the shade and ate our picnic lunch. We kept saying over and over again how nice it was. 

Made me think of Greggers, it happens to be our 4 year anniversary today too!

It was a great day. I can't wait for our next adventure, I'm already scouring the internet for fun/free/cool things to do with kiddos in our neck of the woods.